


It Sucks to be Me

by faithinthepoor



Series: Glee [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-16
Updated: 2013-01-16
Packaged: 2017-11-25 16:27:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/640836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faithinthepoor/pseuds/faithinthepoor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set during Mash-up</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Sucks to be Me

**Author's Note:**

> In my series this follows [I’m Not That Girl](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640810)

Well it’s official. Her life is a walking global financial crisis. She shouldn’t feel this bad, she saw the crash coming and so she should have been prepared. The writing was well and truly on the wall, not the literal bastardisation of her in that paragon of literature that is the bathroom stall that has since occurred but she was aware that her downfall was imminent, and she did nothing but sit there and wait for the end to come. She had plenty of time to develop a parachute clause and yet she did nothing. In many ways it seems she was banking on the collapse of Quinn Fabray TM but now that it has happened she finds that she would do anything to take it all back.

Her current desperation is beyond laughable. She has found herself taking advice from a woman whose skin has never been clothed by anything that didn’t come form Walmart let alone touched a designer label. Quinn is not sure what concerns her more – that she sat in that room thinking it was remotely possible that the Pillbury Doughgirl may have had answers for her or that she followed Finn’s advice and went to see her in the first place. 

She knew that she was going to fall and perhaps it would have been easier if the fall had come all at once. Maybe then the fall itself would have killed her and she would not have had to live with the aftermath. She had not anticipated the slower slide where she was fair game for a slushying but still head cheerleader, where she tattered but still somehow Quinn Fabray. It does not escape her notice that even though she is a now essentially white trash – pregnant in her teens to someone other than her boyfriend – it is not her who wears the corn syrup on her face. It may no longer be blue chip stock but Quinn Fabray still holds some cache. Enough cache that she has to walk the halls with sunglasses on clinging to the vestiges of popularity and pretending that it still means something.

In some ways it’s easier when the deathblow comes. Stripped of her Cheerios uniform she is finally detached from Quinn Fabray. What is left doesn’t feel like very much at all. She doesn’t understand why she didn’t fight against this sooner. She may not have liked being Quinn Fabray but it was better than being nothing. She tries to tell herself that it is her pregnancy addled brain that has landed her in this situation but she is sure that in recent weeks she has been thinking clearer than she even has, there are other ways in which the pregnancy is interfering with her life but it was not the cause of her fall. It’s funny to think that when she knows that the pregnancy will become the outward manifestation of her failure. It will be the thing that people whisper and snigger about. It will be seen as the reason the great Quinn Fabray fell from grace.

The fall started long before the pregnancy but it’s good that there will be a bump on her body that will give people something to focus on and that will prevent deeper questions. Sure they will wonder how Quinn Fabray let this happen to herself but they will not actually reflect on the true meaning of that question. It was possible to stop this long ago. She could have said no to Puck. She should have insisted they use protection. She would have terminated the pregnancy if not for her inbred Christian values. Could’ve, should’ve, would’ve. Except that’s not how she feels. The whole time she was unravelling her own life she was sure that she was doing the right thing.

The tryst with Puck was not planned, neither was the pregnancy and maybe the child is not wanted in the traditional sense but it is still the first thing in her life that has ever felt meaningful. She knows that she can’t keep the baby and that’s ok, it’s not like she would make a good mother anyway. What can she teach a child other than how to create the perfect outer shell whist being hollow on the inside? Her child deserves better than to be an Easter egg. It’s strange but she has more hopes and dreams for the baby than she ever had for herself. She hopes that one day her child doesn’t list ‘being popular’ as an extracurricular activity but rather gets to state that they are a real person. 

Along with having dreams for the hummingbird sized creature in her stomach the pregnancy has marked her in other ways. She is ravenously hungry. Constantly. Her brain tries to tell her that it’s ok to have the Krispy Kreme, after all she is eating for two, but while she may not ever be popular again she is damned if she is going to be fat. She will have to watch her body swell over the next few months but she will not being having a big arse when it’s all over. It maybe shallow but she feels it’s too late to fix her soul and so her body is all she has left. 

The other impact of her pregnancy is far more troubling. She is horny as hell. She was a member of the Celibacy Club because it made her parents happy and because it shined her halo just that little bit more but it was never a problem for her. Until recently she was relatively sure that she was asexual. She believed that she simply failed to inherit the gene that makes teenagers want to go at one another like rabid bunnies. Sex simply wasn’t her thing. She didn’t even really masturbate because as far as endorphin causing hobbies go jogging gave her a bigger high and burnt far more calories. Nowadays all of that has changed. She is certainly a sexual being and she can get turned on by a good stiff breeze. In fact she is in danger of developing RSI but at least now she doesn’t have to explain her inflamed tendons to Sue Sylvester. 

She is completely blaming the cells growing inside of her for the fact that she finds herself attracted to another human being for the first time in her life. Being asexual was so much easier. Sex meant nothing to her other than currency and power and she wielded her weapons very well. Occasionally she would push a guy too far and they would attempt to flood the school with rumours of her being a prick tease but this always backfired on the hapless jock in question. Being in the Celibacy Club published her virginity and commitment to abstinence as though it were written on a billboard and any boy who tried to tarnish her reputation by claiming that she had led him on simply fell on his own sword.

It’s much more inconvenient to be attracted to someone. She definitely prefers being the object of fantasy rather than being the one doing the fantasying. She does realise that sexual attraction is a part of life but she doesn’t want it to be a part of her life – not if it means discovering that she is sexually attracted to Rachel Berry. The thought itself is preposterous. Rachel Berry is so not wet dream material and she is certainly not Quinn Fabray material and yet Quinn finds herself dreaming about her nightly. To make it worse the dreams are hot and she very much seems to be enjoying herself in them. This really should not be happening to her but not only can she not make it stop it just keeps getting worse and worse. The feelings have escaped her dreams and are tormenting her waking mind. 

The Rachel Berry situation is definitely a problem. She wants to slap Rachel for looking at Finn and she wants to kill Puck for looking at Rachel. There are going to be some series criminal charges accruing if she can’t get a hold of herself. She knows that she will never act on her feelings but she is certainly not going to watch as someone that she should be able to wrap around her little finger whisks Rachel away. Finn may be tempted but she is certain that he will not stray which just leaves Puck. She watched him performing to Rachel and knows that she has to intervene before something happens between the two of them. That is how she finds herself in Puck’s bedroom with her pants around her ankles and Puck on top of her.

His body his heavy and his musky smell repulses her as he pushes his way inside of her body. The pain is less than last time but the situation is no more pleasant. She closes her eyes and tells herself she is doing the right thing. When Puck is finished with his bucking and grunting he collapses on top of her. She waits until his breathing slows and then brings up the question that has been burning inside her, “So what would Rachel think if she knew about this?”

He rolls on his side and appears to be flexing his arm muscles as though that might impress her, “Don’t worry baby, I broke up with her. I can’t be doing Glee and dating a girl like that or I’ll be getting wedgies on a daily basis. Besides the Jewesses don’t come through the way you little shixas do.” He reaches his hand down to stroke her clitoris and she has to swallow the vomit that rises to her mouth.

She leaps of the bed making excuses regarding over-protective parents and curfews. Her voice is shaking and her worlds are hollow but Puck seems to buy her explanations and is content to lie basking in the glory of his own nakedness. 

Land speed records are broken on her journey home. She finds herself lying on the floor of her shower soaking wet, fully clothed and convinced that she will never be clean again. Her tears mingle with the pool from the showerhead and she hopes they will produce enough water to drown her. She wishes she had never joined Glee. She wishes she had never met Rachel Berry. She wishes she were still Quinn Fabray.


End file.
